September Leaves Autumn Calling

As I sit here gaze out across the green fields, where at the moment, a flock of geese have taken up residence. Trees sway in the breeze, covering my backyard with shade. I'm grateful for this opportunity to live in this lovely little place. Except for winter which will soon be upon us, BRRR!!. I have found the best hobby. 2 years ago I signed up for a quilt class, since then I have made several quilts. Now I am cranking out the quilt tops like crazy. I just finished a Halloween one, which I truly love. At the beginning I was just making appliqued quilt blocks, the last two I have done piecing as well.

Tomorrow I go to Disneyland for 5 days with my daughter and her family. I am excited.

Now to get to the nitty gritty. I have a problem with going to church, I know why. I know that I have to write my story to begin to heal. 

In December of 2018 I retired from all work, I had 2 jobs at the time. I miss my family from work, and see them occasionally. I was elected to my City Council in November, took office in January 2019. I sit an economic board for my county. I am busy. But something is missing with me. I have and continue to have very interesting life, and, I believe I have buried great deal of pain. Talking about suppressed and buried memories take courage, pay of a therapist, no way. Write it? Why not. One of my dreams is to write a book. Can this be the book? Can I put this in a narrative that will capture you? I heard to be a good writer, write everyday. 

I am married to my best friend, 30 years in 2020. We have 5 children, and 7 grandchildren. We are blessed more than I can imagine. Never able to have children, we were blessed to adopt the sweetest, cutest brother and sister. So blessed. My three step children I have always loved. They didn't think so at the time, now they know. I can see the Lord's hand in my life, even when I don't deserve it. I know my Savior loves me, I know I am being guided by my ancestors. the veil is thin. Today while cleaning the kitchen, my grandma came into my mind. I haven't thought of her for a long time, I knew she was with me. She is watching out for me. Grateful for all Septembers. 

Joy!

As I listened to General Conference Saturday and again on Sunday I was so full of joy and thanksgiving for all that I have. Tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks as I expressed that gratitude to my Heavenly Father. How blessed we are to live in a time, where all around us, others are scared and worried, but we know, really know that Heavenly Father and our Savior are over it all. The words that were delivered, comforted my soul. What a wonderful life I have, how glorious are the blessing of my Lord. I know he knows me and loves me, just as he knows and loves each one of us.

I especially loved hearing from our prophet, Thomas S Monson. He looks frail, but he is such an example of love and enduring to the end. I love and sustain him. I cannot wait for the November issue of the Ensign to come out, so I can once again read the talks.

The talk given by K. Brett Nattress was especially dear to me; he said when he was growing up he was quite active. Once while in Sacrament meeting he asked to hold his mother's scriptures. He opened to a place where she wrote down notes and written there were these words: "Have patience with Brett."

I have a Brett, and I can tell you I have prayed for patience with my son. While this patient mother did not lose her son to the world, I have, for now lost mine. He has a testimony and a heart of gold, he will return and I know this because it has been promised to me if I am faithful. Brett has always tried our patience, but where would I be without that teaching. Heavenly Father knows what we needed and he said, "Here is my son, teach him and return him to me."

We love all of our children, but Brett has taught us the most. He has been difficult and hard to reach at times, but he loves us, this I know. I am grateful that I became a mother when we adopted Alissa and Brett, a brother and a sister. They have given me so much joy, heartache, and love that I couldn't ever imagine. I have three step-children and love them unconditionally as well. They are all worth it!!!

Racism

As I think of all these riots that are going on around the country it makes me so very sad, that we as a human race can be so unkind to one another. If those who are in law enforcement can't do their job, because they have to watch every move they make, it becomes frustrating. If those who live in poverty and are continually harassed because of how they look, it is frustrating. So many people on this earth are good honest people, but a handful that choose to be unkind ruins everything for the rest of us. Then there are the pictures of people walking on my Flag! Now this makes me angry. I want to make a video on Facebook and tell those who don't want to live in this country just how I feel. But then, I think will that do any good, am I one of those that think saying what I want and posting it on social media does any good at all? I think that it doesn't. I believe that it starts with parents that teach kindness and respect. Yes kindness and respect. Imagine a world where there is kindness and respect to all!! Just imagine what that would feel like for everyone. From the rich to the poor, from those in the highest power to those who have nothing. I think we are talking about being Christ like to all. Following our Savior and walking His walk, talking His talk. Think of how much better we would all be if, for example, our law enforcement officers were trained to respond kindly to all those who choose to spit at them, or swear at them. Could it make a difference? No I am not wearing rose colored glasses, I know there are those times when the police have to use force. I understand that. Or they have to treat some in a forceful manner because they refuse to obey commands. What would change if, after that encounter, there was kindness used. No retaliation, no revenge. Thoughts? Am I so ignorant that imagining a world like that makes me unrealistic? No matter, I still believe kindness and respect is the answer to so many of our woes as a society.

So is this a challenge?
I believe our country is being tested and tried. Are we up to the task? Be kinder today than you were yesterday and each day strive to be kinder.

April 28, 2015
I am so amazed at how life is whizzing by. Almost May of 2015. Yesterday I turned 61 years old and I am so not feeling that. Of course I know I am not 21, or 31 or even 41, but 61?? Wow, I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father and the life He has blessed me with. I feel alive, beautiful and needed. Isn't that what life is all about? I love the quote by our beloved prophet, kindness truly makes our lives so wonderful. Even if we are not feeling kind, or happy with someone, if we commit to being kind and refrain from hurtful words, it makes us a better people. I truly believe that the kindness we show to those who don't seem to want it, gives them a chance to see the work of the Gospel in progress. Jesus was truly kind, to everyone, even to those who were the moneychangers in the temple, as we read this account in the Gospels, we can imagine His righteous indignation, but can we also imagine his Love for those who were sinning. There are some members of my family in law that are determined to believe that my husband and I have wronged them, and try as we might, our love for them is rebuffed. So we pray and put their names in the temple. We also have a son who is struggling with life, again, we try to help him, but he doesn't respond to our love, we know he loves us, but he loves his friends and lifestyle more. Recently during a temple session, as I was praying for my son to turn his heart, a voice very clearly said, "He is not ready." This may not seem like an answer to a prayer to some, but to me it spoke volumes. I can only be patient and kind. I can only rely on my Father in Heaven and in His timing. His Timing! This can seem so long, but I know through my faithfulness all things will be all right. Our beautiful daughter and her husband came to visit for my birthday and it was fun. I will post pictures if I ever remember to blog. When I do remember it is quite satisfying. Ta Ta for now.

March 29, 2015
I love quotes. Quotes that give pause, and help me think of other options in my life. I am a bit jealous of people who have simple quotes after their names, because it came up in a talk or other conversation. I would hope that someday there would be a quote that I was famous for. I know I am feeling a bit less than today. Who knows why, just am. The quote I ran into today comes from President Thomas S. Monson, prophet of our church, it was taken from a talk and it says:



Isn't that a cool quote? It is easier to doubt, just like it's easier to be sad, easier to be mad, easier to find fault. It takes work to make good choices that lead to happiness.
Prayer, wow what I have learned this week about prayer. It's not like I didn't know about it, but it was a Aha moment. When I don't pray, and I am not dedicating my life to the Lord, I feel dark and begin to feel sad. Then that becomes more intense, then I am going to bed and with my day to day life, just going through the motions. I am not growing or learning, I am just standing still. I hope this revelation helps me be more dedicated to my Heavenly Father.

 

 

March 27, 2015

It's been a while since I have been on my blog. Life gets away from me, but only because I let it. Everything seems important, more important than ourselves. Family, children, grandchildren, husband, did you notice I put husband last? He really is first in my thinking and prioritizing. My question is why I am always last, why are the thoughts that my needs are not as important as the rest of my life? Is that selfish? I use to think so, but I have come to the conclusion that that is not a true statement. It isn't selfish. So how do I put what I want first without feeling guilty about it? I look at really successful women, and I wonder if they feel guilty or have they conquered the ugly beast. I have decided that all women feel guilty about something everyday, it's how we are wired, or maybe it's how we were conditioned by the women role models we had. I want my daughter to be a women that is sure of herself and loves herself while still taking care of her family. There isn't a need for guilt, there isn't a need for feeling less than. We are strong as women and have been handed some of the greatest work in the world, no, the universe. Raising and loving our families while still being successful in whatever we set out to do. I have changed much since raising children; I have learned to wait, to have patience that things will work out. I have learned that small things are just that, small. If we want, we can make them big, but it's a personal choice. I have learned that the easiest way to forgive others is not to let them live in your head. Things happen, and then life goes on. If we hold on to anger, jealousy, spite, then everyday we get to live that thing over again. Now don't get me wrong, I have learned that letting go takes time and effort, forgiveness takes time and effort. Most of all, forgiving ourselves takes time and effort. I have learned that people are people, just like me. We all make mistakes, we all try our best, and that is all we can do. But we have to keep trying to be better. I have learned that life has a way of teaching us what we need to know, if we get the hint and learn, we get to move on and learn something else. If we don't learn we get to keep getting the same lesson over and over. I recently had a young woman come into my life and she had me convinced that she had been victimized by an ex-husband and the justice system. Not only had me convinced, but my husband and my son. Within a few short months and thousands of dollars later, we found out that she had used our family to get gain and then she moved on. At first I was devastated that I had allowed myself and my family to be played like that. I was angry and made the remark that I would never be caught unawares like that again. Now when I look at it, I can see a very important lesson to be learned, while I don't want to be the kind of person that in untrusting, I have learned that I need to wait to help others until they can prove themselves. I didn't do that, I believed that she was honest and forthcoming. I believed her unconditionally. Why? I don't know. She knew how to manipulate honest people. I am thankful for this lesson I have learned. I'm not angry or bitter. Money is just money and people are people.

December 25, 2013 CHRISTMAS

Our Christmas Tree decorated by Alissa. She insisted that we have huge ornaments. It did turn out pretty.

Santa gave Steve a handheld garmin for hunting. He didn't know that he had been that good!

Brother Thad got some brand new overalls and a nice shirt. He thought that was kind of funny since he has a couple of pair that I keep patching. Do you think I am tired of patching overalls?

Alissa got a sweet gift from me. A picture frame with all of her favorite pictures of our little angel, Brooks that she placed for adoption. I still get teary eyed when I think of him.

OK here is a picture of me. YUCK! I got a new Apple IPad, and I am holding up a new skirt. I am so grateful for a wonderful family who show me such love and make my life complete. Don't know what I would do without them. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned this year. I am an entirely different person and my life will never be the same. I can say with certainty that I will never take my family for granted and I will always love them so very much.



So Alissa had to try on Uncle Thad's new overalls. We got a great laugh out of it, he wasn't sure if it was funny or not. He doesn't get our sense of humor sometimes.

Nice fitting overalls, right? I asked Thad today if he had tried them on yet and he said no. Hmmm, hope we didn't hurt his feelings. After opening up Christmas we went to Chet's for Christmas dinner. Since Nicole had just given birth to Taylee, I took over the whole dinner. While we were eating, Thad asked if Taylee's eyes were open yet. He is so naive sometimes. That made us all laugh, he thinks in animal terms. I told him that she was born with her eyes open, humans are born that way. It was a good laugh.

Here are two of our precious Grand babies, this is Jace and Taylee. It is one of the greatest gifts we have, are our Grandchildren and we think of Brooks as one of ours too, although he has a different family now. We still love them all like they are our family. Kambry we don't get to see very often, she lives in St George, but we love her very much.